Midnight Changes

Tonight (at midnight) it becomes a new year. Hopefully I'll be asleep when that happens because I'm a bit really really tired. 

But I was thinking on my way home about this past year (the good and the bad), as well as what I would like to see happen next year. 

Here's a moment: Jacey and I got
stuck in the rain between the
wedding and reception of
Anne and Will's big day.

This past year, there were lots of changes made and joyous moments. Also, there were some moments that were really hard. But it's the hard moments that help us grow. So, here's a joyful list of thoughts from this last year (they're not thoughts, they're...lessons) -->

- I hurt my knee really bad this summer playing Ultimate Frisbee. It was the most humbling thing maybe ever to happen to me. It was terrible and wonderful. I learned to accept help from people more than I ever wanted to. Thank you Irma, Yingjie, Jeremy, Kshitij, Braden, Ross, mom, dad, Lindsay, Jamison, and many more. I know I didn't list everyone and I know I failed at thanking everyone. But really, y'all, I'm sitting here with eyes that are making it hard to see (they're all liquid-like) because I'm humbled from this experience. Truly humbled. 

- Ask for help. This is talked about above and that's really what began to break my pride, but I realized how essential it is to ask. I learned more and more what it looks like to get over myself and lean on the Lord. Not myself.

- Oh, the environment. My heart grew for this world that I call home (at least for now). Though I know my home is in Heaven, the Lord has given us this land to protect. What a humbling, beautiful, wonderful responsibility. The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. - Psalm 24:1

These people...

- Take a chance. Y'all, I got a two-bedroom apartment last year with the idea in the back of my head that (specifically) an international student would maybe need to stay somewhere for a bit of time and I could provide that place. I did that. And then nothing happened for about a year. Then Tugce randomly posted something on the book of faces about needing a place to live, I answered, and I then received the greatest blessing of my year: a dear friend. All because I trusted in the Lord and not in myself (because, y'all, I don't usually take chances...ever). 

- I don't need a ton of to be joyful. This, yes, is something is known. But I've been cleaning out my life daily and, if anything, it's been freeing. The less I have, the more I can focus on what matters: Jesus.

...make my heart...

- Teaching is hard. Like really hard. I'm humbled daily and I can't do it without the help of the Lord and people around me. Thank you, Fallin (Jenn) for being willing to help me survive and thrive daily. Even when it feels like I'm drowning, you help. Thank you. 

- I learned quite a bit about myself this year: how I focus, how I learn best, what brings me happiness (not joy), my stubbornness, and more. What I've been learning the last couple of months of this year is that I won't do something until I've decided I want to. Someone can tell me something a million times over (like, something that I should do), but until I decide I want to do it, I won't. Examples? Biking. Making my bed. Flossing. Drinking water. Trees. Reading. Eating no sugar. Decluttering. Drinking black coffee. To do or like those things was determined by MY brain, no one else. 

...happy.

- I need to saturate my brain into the Word of God. NEED.

- Being myself is more than okay. I've been made special and unique and the Lord dearly loves me. So often, I feel like I need to do something to fit in and be 'normal'. There is no normal. I am a daughter of the King and I should act like it - head held high, confidence, laughter, joy.


- Healing takes time. There were a couple experiences of this year that I would really rather not live through again. Experiences that made me feel stupid (that's a forbidden word in my classroom) beyond belief or hurt beyond reason. It was more than okay to take time to heal from those. I learned that talking about the experiences helped and keeping it bottled up made me crazy. It's okay to cry. It's okay not to be okay.

Here, read a bit of journal.

- Oh, I like to write.

There's a lot more lessons. A lot more friendships that I am aboundingly thankful for. I can't even think over how much God has provided for me in this past year without crying out of joy. I'm so thankful that I have a Father that cares so deeply for me that it doesn't matter what I do, it simply matters who He is. I can see everything that has perfectly been orchestrated into His plan. Not mine, His. Thank you, Lord, for such a good year. I'm thankful. And very humbled.

This next year, I don't know what to expect. I have goals, yes, but not 'resolutions.' To resolve to do something makes it permanent, but I feel like you can mess up on a goal and still work towards it. So, my goals -->

- Buy only what I need (and look beforehand to make sure)
- Make the Word of God a priority DAILY. Daily. d.a.i.l.y. (I don't want to be like a tree that isn't planted by streams of water - I want to be by the water [in the Word])
- Get people together as the body of Christ to serve, love, pray, and do what the Church is supposed to do
- Pray. Pray more. Pray fervently. I was thinking of taking one hour a week (Saturdays) and cutting everything off and praying. Only praying.

Hi, school. You're not so scary. I'm glad
I take pictures to remember joy.

- No sugar. I'm excited and terrified about this.
- Travel. I want to go somewhere. Oh, Lord, please show me where you want me to go.
- Practice and attempt to learn a language (that is, other than English)
- Read books. I want to read books.

That's all I want to commit to. I'm glad I'm allowed to fail at goals.

References to the experiences are sort of listed some places - 

Ultimate Injury
Asking for Help
Learning Sidney
Teaching
Biking
Book List
Cutting Out Sugar

I like to reference things that I've written. 

Peace.

Peace out 2016.

Welcome 2017.